A Breakup Letter

Dear Hate,

I don't really know how to say this, but I think it is time we parted ways. This isn't easy for me. You have always kind of been there for me, especially in times of great distress. I know you came into my life to protect me. You build up walls for me whenever I get hurt, and you always give me someone to blame for problems in my life.

You have done a lot for me, but the truth is, everything you do for me really just makes things worse.

When things are bad, you cloud my judgement. You make me say things I don't mean, things that I would never say to anyone. In the heat of the moment, you give me delusions instead of solutions. You make me irrational and cruel.

As much as this will hurt you, I have been trying to get rid of you for quite some time. I have been trying to stay away from you more and more, but I keep running in to you now and then. There was a while when I didn't mind it. There were times when I thought I needed you, even relied on you to help me get through times here and there, especially when things were hard. But the truth is, you're the one who needs me.

You are a parasite, and I won't be your host anymore.

You feed off of my stress, my anger, even my fear. When I am with you, you take away everything in me that is good, and I have had enough.

I'm done with your intolerance. Done with your ignorance, and refusal to understand where other people are coming from. You are the cause of every wrongdoing throughout all of time. You are the face behind the mask of evil.

I am done with the fear you place in my heart. You tell me to build walls around my heart so that I don't get hurt. Yes, I've been hurt and I have every right to fear. I have good reasons for wanting to listen to you, but these walls, though they may keep pain away, they would also make it impossible to let love in.

Also, the constant blame you place on other people isn't right. Sure, it makes things easier for me. It makes me feel like I did nothing wrong. It makes me feel better about myself, but it also gets me nowhere. How can I possibly improve when you blame the problem on someone else?

When you are with me, you leave no room for anything else. Hate, I do not hate you. You think you know what's best for me, and you try to help, I know you really do. You keep me safe from pain, from heartbreak, from sorrow. You keep me safe by keeping me in my comfort zone. And yet, through all this, you deny me the chance to actually live. Because in the end…

Life is a mess of joy, of sorrow. Good and evil, and everything in between. Of love, heartbreak and more love. It's taking chances even when I'm scared, it's being brave and exploring. It is a search for knowledge and meaning in this world that never seems to make sense. It's about taking leaps of faith, aiming for the sky, the moon, the sun, the stars. And even when I miss, when I crash land in a heap and I am broken, I will not come crawling back to you. Because life is about getting back up again, putting myself back together even when I think I can't.

You have no place in my heart, and I deserve so much better.

I pray we never meet again, but if we do, stay away from me. You are not welcome, and I will get a restraining order against you if you start stalking me. I'm sorry, you're just really not healthy for me, or anyone, or the world.

As I said, this isn't easy. But that's the point. Life is hard, and doing the right thing is hard. I choose to love instead.

We're done.

With love,
Jess